We hung out at Taco Bell. Mikey, Ned, Jim, and I. We were 14. We were annoying as fuck. We rode our bikes everywhere. By everywhere I mean Taco Bell, McDonald’s, Hollywood Video. But Taco Bell was where we spent most of our time and allowance.
For me, being a kid was the best thing ever. I know for a lot of people that is not the case at all and I’m really sorry, but for me it was great. I’m pretty sure my happiness peaked at around seven years old. My mom was a schoolteacher and my dad was a farmer, so I grew up around all of this open land with nobody else around. I lived like a fucking animal. I could just run […]
Around September of 2014 I stopped lying to myself. I stopped the charade of not wanting a relationship and “loving the single life.” I stopped convincing myself that my one-sided friendships were fulfilling enough for me, and I was happy without a significant other. I also stopped believing that it was socially acceptable to go on dates with people I met on Tinder. If you take anything from this, please, I beg you, don’t go on any more Tinder dates. […]
Fifteen years ago, I was starry-eyed to glide up where the air was rarefied. After a lengthy string of mundane office and restaurant jobs, becoming a flight attendant was like winning a prize. Finally, I had landed a job that combined adventure and career potential. I would race through the cabin to hand out snacks with the spirit of a caffeinated poodle, while my grumpy coworkers eyed me with disdain.But my starry eyes glazed over with time. I now sport […]
Dear Erica with a C, I hope this letter finds you well. I would have sent it to you directly, but you seem to have refused my Facebook and Twitter adds. That’s fine. I understand your reticence completely — I usually don’t add strangers, either! I’m sorry if I creeped you out. I’m sorry if this letter creeps you out. It’s just a gag, obviously. Mostly.
It’s a coincidence that I’m here tonight. Coincidence – a word often abused and misused. The guy who’s been hanging around outside your work is now hanging around outside your house. Not a coincidence. Call the police.
I never thought I’d be one of those parents who let their baby sleep in their bed. It’s a little too “all in the family” for me. And like many people, I worried, “What if I, like, roll over on the baby?” But in December my son Oscar emerges from my body and joins my family, and in no time, our bed.
By the end of my second semester as music major, I was very discouraged. Although I loved music, the study of it did not come easily to me. Unless some kind of miracle occurred, I was about ready to abandon my dream of being a musician. Fortunately, an Older Woman, whose name I’ve forgotten, came into my life and provided that miracle. She was a twenty-four-year old English major and an artist, and I was a twenty-one-year-old ex-seminarian who was […]
I had a deposition near the corner of Ashland/Milwaukee and Division. Anybody who has been there knows that when you open the car door you are greeted by the essence of La Pasadita, a treasured taqueria. Like the characters from a Warner Brothers cartoon, you are lifted off your feet and carried to its source. I had not waited to be summoned: I knew I would be in the neighborhood, and planned to pick up a Burrito de Asada to bring […]
