Seven hundred and seventy-two years ago, December eleventh, at about dawn, a man on the other side of the world died after a night of heavy drinking. He was fifty-two. If he had lived to be fifty-four or fifty-five, chances are very good that no one in this room would exist.
My mother was diagnosed with cancer for the second time in 2010, less than a month before my wedding. After that, weird things started happening to me. I began to dream about Jack White.
There is nothing worse than leaving a party. I am the absolute worst at it. It’s not the leaving so much as having to say all of those dreadful goodbyes. The hugs, the handshakes, the air kisses—it all makes me anxious. I prefer a nice Irish goodbye.
So, there we stood in the parking lot of the Chateaux Rose in Rosemont, watching Kelly’s dad puke. When you’re a kid, seeing an adult vomit is like spotting your teacher in public, but way worse. You’re shocked and appalled by their realness, their human-ness, and, in the case of Kelly’s dad, their complete and total drunkenness.
I threatened to murder my brother once. It was a hot summer day in his room, which was at the top of the stairs, littered with dirty clothes and He-Man action figures. It was 1986. I was ten years old. Carl Eric was about to turn seven. In his fingers, he had a tangle of my chest-length dirty blond hair and was yanking, hard. This was his preferred maneuver in our many physical fights. I know what you’re thinking, who […]
“Hi there, Mrs. Jones? My name’s Maggie. I’m the one who has been talking to all of the families here in Hanover this summer about those study guides to help your kids with schoolwork. It only takes a quick minute to show you. Do you have a place to sit down?” I have recited that script about 10,000 times. It is seared into my soul. It haunts my dreams. That’s what happens when you devote two summer vacations to selling […]
The theme of my sister-in-law’s twenty-sixth birthday was “Fried and Flaming.” Her birthday was the Thursday before my other brother’s wedding, and we decided that she would only eat fried foods and drink flaming drinks to celebrate the anniversary of her birth. It all started a month before at my parents’ surprise party to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary. At the party, my dad had told us about a drink called “The Statue of Liberty” in which you pour some […]
Everyone remembers where they were that day. You know the day. That day. People were at work, getting ready for work, getting the kids ready for school—all in our usual morning routines on that particular Sept. 11th.
It was the last months of my senior year in college, 1994. I was so ready to leave N.I.U. and actually start my real life. On my last trip home before graduation, I met my dad at his favorite bar. Unbeknownst to me, that was the night he decided to impart to me his wisdom of the ages– the three things I needed to know before I entered the working world. Never trust HR. They are not there to help […]
